Get a Slurpee; Pay Your Taxes – The Conspiracy Theory

Bear with me, please. I am not usually a conspiracy theorist, but I may be on to something. There could be a plot afoot in which President Obama pulls a fast one to undermine Ted Cruz and/or Donald Trump and/or whomever and to grease the path to the presidency for Hillary Rodham Clinton.

For a while, Ted Cruz has quite vocally called for the Internal Revenue Service to be abolished. He has not explained who would collect tax revenues or who would assure compliance with tax laws – details, details. While not quite as directly as Cruz, Donald Trump has invited the demise of the IRS with his flat tax proposal. It is so simple, says The Donald, that the country will not a need a HUGE bureaucracy to enforce tax laws.

The call to abolish the IRS is pretty attractive to a broad swath of the population. Someone who really did come up with a concrete plan for that action would be popular with a lot of people, at least for a while and hopefully, for that person, at least through the November elections.

Follow me closely. The plot thickens.

On April 6, 2016, the IRS announced a new payment option for taxpayers who want to pay their tax bills in cash. Those taxpayers can simply drop off up to $1,000 per day at their neighborhood 7-Eleven, for a fee of $3.99 per payment. I think that the theory behind this plan is to encourage the one in 13 households that do not have banking accounts to pay their taxes. Hmmm . . .

Flash forward. As the elections near, President Obama will announce that the government has finally found something worth talking about in Clinton’s thousands of emails that the feds have been vetting for the last year or so. While the President had forgotten about the exchange, the search revealed that Secretary Clinton had suggested to him in an email that the IRS be abolished and be replaced by 7-Eleven! She had even laid out a fairly complete plan.

1. People would file their tax returns at the neighborhood 7-Eleven.
2. People would pay in cash their taxes at the neighborhood 7-Eleven.
3. 7-Eleven clerks would receive training in English as a Second Language and in tax law.
4. When not selling beer, cigarettes, or beef jerky, 7-Eleven clerks would audit tax returns.
5. To encourage taxpayers to comply with the tax laws, they would get free Slurpees when they brought in their records for their tax audits.

Brilliant! Clinton’s likeability scores will soar and she’ll vanquish the Republican candidate.

Mark my word.

VKM